LA Times to Pedestrians: You Will Drop Dead

Yesterday in Le Times:

Los Angeles isn’t known as a city for walking. Maybe there is a good reason — it’s too dangerous.

That’s a pretty good lead! I’ll bet it’s backed up with some pretty interesting study too.

Drivers in Los Angeles kill pedestrians and bicyclists at a significantly higher rate than drivers nationally, according to a study by the University of Michigan Transportation Research Institute.

There you have it. Drivers in LA = bloodthirsty monsters. Except…

In Los Angeles, pedestrians accounted for about a third of all traffic fatalities, or nearly triple the national average of 11.4%. About 3% of the fatalities were bicyclists. That compares with 1.7% nationally.

Wait a minute… who the hell cares about that? Instead of citing a useful statistic, like total pedestrian fatalities per capita or per driver, the study is about percentage of traffic fatalities. As if to drive home the inanity of the article (and study), it cites sites the obviously much higher New York percentage – 49.6%.

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City Council Rescinds Pot Shop Ban, But DEA Is Still Lurking

Today, the City Council stuck its tail between its legs a rescinded its own ban on medical marijuana dispensaries (with a shockingly un-unanimous 11-2 vote), after activists and unions gathered enough signatures to put the issue to voters. And so we’re left where we started.

Except we’re not, because the DEA is in town. Kate Linthicum of the LA Times writes:

Council members say they are hoping that a new federal crackdown on L.A. dispensaries may accomplish what they hoped to achieve with their ban. “That is our relief,” Councilman Jose Huizar said of the federal action, which began last week with raids on several dispensaries. Dozens of other pot shops were sent letters, ordering them to close.

The city may also seek to shut down dispensaries on its own by prosecuting operators for violating city land use laws.

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Beyond the Valley of the ‘Ermans

Said Brrr-Man
Say Sure-Man
Said, no need call me sir man

Said, handy hold
Said, dancy gold
Said, head got no more fur man

Said Sure-Man
Say Brrr-Man
Said, best be call me sir man

Said, fancy cold
Said, do what told
Said, no need be no stir man

Said Brrr-Man
Say Sure-Man
Said we be as it were man

Said Brrr-Man folks
Aint Sure-Man Oaks
Said Valley she be juror man.

This poem was written anonymously, and originally appeared in the comments section of an LA Weekly article about the Berman / Sherman race.

Rare Yom Kippur Invitation Opens Doors to Hollywood Jewish Conspiracy for Fresh off the Boat Shiksa

Living in this bowl of never ending sunshine & happiness it’s hard not to find yourself acutely aware of a certain caste system, but not a beautifully simplistic one of lords, serfs, and fifes. No, a more complex system, with differently weighted strata across all industries; an individual is not merely divided by monetary standing , but by distance from the epicenter of The Industry.

There are the fratty boys who transition straight from undergraduate to real world fraternal orders (see: “Junior Agents”), there are the Female 7s, usually lacking in some type of interpersonal element but making up for it with tight skirts and turn-around times, there are the Canadians with trust funds, and then there are the Jews. Widely known to run the world, Hollywood is no exception. They hold the key to the golden gates of entertainment. The simplest way to say it is that if you are lucky enough to be of Jewish descent, and in show business here, you can literally run this town. In a city that downright worships youth and beauty, but runs on the sweat of Judaica, those with all three hold court.

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Hipsters Mourn the Mysterious Disappearance of Echo Park’s Magic Gas

For years, Magic Gas has stood as an iconic, semi-ironic landmark of Echo Park, a place to fill up your tank, grab a cup of luke warm LA Mill coffee, and buy a lighter. But, as the Eastsider reported on Saturday, Magic Gas mysteriously disappeared last Thursday night:

[P]olice arrived at the station at the corner of Echo Park and Morton avenues as a small bulldozer was being used to rip out the pumps, according to residents. The police left and soon the pumps were gone. By Friday morning all that was left were holes in the ground where the pumps stood and a ribbon of yellow “CAUTION CUIDADO” tape. Inside, Echo Fuels, which had been long known as Magic Gas until it changed hands only about six months ago, looked like it had been ransacked.

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New City Hall Lawn Comes With Too Many Rules For New Sign


City Hall’s front lawn, or “park,” finally opened it’s arms to the hoi poloi for the first time since the Occupation. But there are some new rules this time. So many rules, in fact, that graphic designers strained to fit all of them on this sign (left, via the LA Times twitter account).

Here is a partial list of rules for temple of democracy’s front lawn:

• No Smoking
• No Boozing
• No being there at night.
• “No tents, stakes, camping, open flames or cooking.”

• “No events may extend into tree or landscaped areas and planters.”
• “No writing / painting / affixing signs, projections or other materials to trees, landscaping or public property.”
• “No blocking ingress or egress to buildings.”
• “Umbrellas, sun shades, or canopies must be open on all sides and may not exceed eight (8) feet in height and ten (10) feet in diameter or width. All umbrellas or sun shades shall be dismantled or removed from the park before the park is closed.”

Other than than, stay as long as you want.

Four Signs Rick Caruso Is Running For Mayor

1) On Friday, Los Cerritos Community News reported that Caruso was caught up in the County Assessor scandal, having gotten property reductions from the County. Except the story wasn’t true (or at least it probably wasn’t)! The LA County sent a letter around, pointing out inaccuracies in the story. Just why the County is taking upon itself do defend Caruso is unclear (Cerritos Community News has a theory). Meanwhile, on twitter, Matt Middlebrook started tweeting the letter to any journalist within tweeting distance. Who’s Matt Middlebrook? Oh, just Rick Caruso’s political advisor.

2) Ron Kaye thinks he is, citing as evidence Eli Broad asked Rick Caruso to pony up some dough for a pension-rollback ballot measure, and that Caruso “reportedly begged off, saying he would soon be facing a lot of political expenses.”

3) A political consultant told me Caruso is “100% going to run”, based on who he’s hired to run his alleged campaign (the consultant wouldn’t say who).

4) As Gene Maddaus of the LA Weekly reported, Caruso has been asking around about rates for TV commercials in November.

This Week In City Council Resolutions: Mark Harmon, Daffy Duck and American Apparel

What can you say about a City Council that, in the same week that they took on such weighty issues as pension reform rollback change (that’s what Dave Z. told me to call it), the DWP rate hike, and of course, the downtown football stadium (aka, the most important decision of our lives)… what can you say about a council that still finds time to commend such heroes as Mark Harmon, Daffy Duck and American Apparel? You can say they’re amazing.

Last Friday, Council honored that most honorable of companies, American Apparel, which council hailed as “an Industrial Revolution”:

WHEREAS, American Apparel leverages art, design and technology to advance the businesses process, while continuing to pioneer industry standards of social and environmental responsibility in the workplace;

Strange that they forgot to mention Mr. Responsibility in the Workplace himself Dov Charney…

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If You Die During Carmageddon…

• In the afterlife, you will have only AM radio.
• Your every appointment in heaven will be at 4:45 in Burbank.
• You will spend the next million years attempting to find a space for a Humvee on Saturday night in Koreatown.
• All floors above 3 in the Grove Parking Lot will be forever closed for a special event.
• Turning right on red will suddenly be illegal.
• You will come back as a tire on a bus on a South LA Metro line.
• Your phone will ring unceasingly while your bluetooth is out of power and a motorcycle CHP officer drives alongside you.
• You will stand at a Sunset Blvd crosswalk  in Silverlake waiting for the light to change until the messiah is born.
• Every day you will take back to back meetings with studio executives who will tell about  trading in their Lexus for a Leaf.
• Every single other person driving your model car will be a man in his 40’s – 50’s with spiked hair, cargo shorts and a goatee blasting Cake.
• All your shortcuts will be printed on the front page of the LA Times.