David Villa Destroys an LAPD Car With Nothing More Than a Soccer Ball
By Hillel Aron
Not sure why David Villa decided to pick on LAPD for this video game commercial – maybe he’s a big NWA fan?
(via Dirty Tackle)
Category: Crime
Summer of Car Chases Takes A Socialist Turn
By Hillel Aron
Towards the end of that video, Fox’s Megyn Kelly says:
Query whether the folks who keep their money in downtown LA are really the rich from whom they stole. It was probably a lot of good people who didn’t expect their money to be stolen…
Pro Tip: Don’t Lead Police On Chase Through Downtown
By Hillel Aron
Downtown LA has got to be the worst place you could possibly lead LAPD on a chase through. It has way more traffic than it did 10 years ago, plus every other street is one way.
LAPD Brings a Ray of Sunshine to Sunset Blvd
By Richard Rushfield
I’m all for catching killers. In my private fantasy life I have served for decades as a police detective and put literally hundreds of murderers behind bars. And I’m all for giving these manhunts whatever attention we can to help them bring violent criminals to justice.
However. Did no one at the LAPD stop and question whether this was such a wonderful idea? There can’t be more than say, 40 million children driving down Sunset Blvd every week. And what could make them feel more safe and protected in their community than looking out their bus windows at a nice electronic billboard and seeing a picture of a child, just like themselves, saying “Help find my murderer!” Really, what could be more special?
As I say, we should do everything we can to help those who keep us safe catch the dangerous villains, but holy cow, can we maybe wait until the kids go to sleep?
IT’S NOT EASY BEING GREEN (WITH RAGE)
By Jim Gibson
Another surreal crime dispatch from Santa Monica (courtesy of the venerable SM Mirror), where even domestic abuse cases have an eco-friendly tint:
“ Santa Monica police arrested a plant-wielding homeless man on Aug. 23 after he threw a plant stem at his girlfriend.
This attack with a piece of vegetation was the result of an escalated verbal argument. The plant stem impacted her shoulder causing slight redness.
Our sympathies to the abuse victim (hitting a woman, even with vegetation, is the last refuge of cowardly bullies and is never a laughing matter), and also to the poor departed plant: may your seedlings go forth and multiply and make Santa Monica beautiful once again.
Muggers Join the Ranks of the So Cal Underpaid
By Richard Rushfield
What is it coming to when you can’t even make a decent living robbing people at knifepoint around here? In a tale that can only be described as the dead canary at the bottom of the imploded mine shaft comes this tale of a hard working Fontana based mugger, who despite showing up to rob two separate people at knifepoint on the Fontana streets, netted a grand total of $2. Before taxes. (Which comes to after federal, state, sales tax, vehicle fees, rent surcharges etc, comes to 36 cents for a full day of work.)
County Jails More Corrupt Than You Can Imagine
By Hillel Aron
The LA County Citizens Commission on Jail Violence has been going on, with Sheriff Baca and Undersherriff (kind of a degrading title) Tanaka saying all sorts of ridiculous things.
But as a story by Robert Faturechi in today’s LA Times reveals, jail deputies aren’t just abusive maniacs– they’re also incredibly corrupt! We’re talking rampart-level corruption here.
The story reads like something out of The Departed: “an elite intelligence team” working within the jail system learns that a deputy is smuggling drugs for skinhead inmates. The investigators tell their boss, Lt. Greg Thompson… who then tells the drug-smuggling deputy, revealing both the names of the intelligence team and the names of the secret jailhouse informants.
This is no isolated incident either:
CLAW & ORDER, SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT
By Jim Gibson
SMPD, cracking the tough cases, according to this latest police blotter report from the Santa Monica Mirror:
The suspects were taken off to jail where suspect number one, aged 34, and homeless, was charged with illegally possessing a lobster.
And, just like that, the streets were safe once more for the yoga-mat toting masses.
FBI Resorts to Teenage Girl Tactics to Catch Local Bank Robber
By Richard Rushfield
While our streets may be crumbling, our economy taking a page out of Chernobyl’s playbook, our schools turned into shooting galleries and our local industry pouring out toxic sludge on the world, we still have one thing that every single citizen of Los Angeles can take pride in: each and every one of us is better looking, much better looking, than any other American who lives here.
The people who flee California are greeted in the states they emigrate to as gods and goddess descended from the heavens, their hotness studied and cataloged in local news organs and universities. If you live in Los Angeles, you never have to wonder if you are hot or not, because if you weren’t, we would have asked you to leave by now.
Undersheriff Tanaka’s Understatement of the Day
By Hillel Aron
I guess I should check the drawers.
- Undersheriff Paul Tanaka on the discovery of 100 use of force reports stuffed inside a drawer in a jail, via Frank Stoltze, breathlessly tweeting the Jail Violence Panel.