Like rats scurrying from a sinking ship, neighborhoods want to get the f out of Los Angeles while the getting is good. First Holmby Hills, which wants to join Beverly Hills (who wouldn’t?). Now Southern Mar Vista, home of Tito’s Tacos and the headquarters of LA Weekly, wants to secede from LA and link up with dulcet tones of Culver City.
The Native Angeleno has obtained a full list of neighborhoods that want to secede from Los Angeles:
• Silver Lake seeks to secede and join Williamsburg, Brooklyn
• Venice Beach seeks to secede and join San Francisco circa 1967
• Beverly Hills seeks to double secede; to become so seceded that the surrounding communities are forced to remove it from their Filofaxes and aren’t allowed to tell anybody they actually know it.
• Burbank seeks to secede and form its own city. Upon hearing that it already did, it said, “What? Oh. Cool, cool.”
• Downtown’s Old Bank District is seeking to secede from the nation and form the new autonomous nation of OldBankonia, where citizens will sleep in vaults, address each other as “Security Pacific #547: and “Glendale Federal #14”, wear arm garters and green eye shades and wake each morning to the strains of the national anthem “To My Old Gold Standard be True.”
• Laurel Canyon seeks not to secede but to levitate.
• Koreatown seeks to secede from Herb Wesson’s city council district and join Eric Garcetti’s district
• Eagle Rock seeks to secede and join Pasadena, which looked the other way and scooted over a couple miles.
• North Hollywood seeks to secede from the Valley and move to some place cooler, but hopefully not too expensive, maybe West Hollywood?
Additional reporting by Richard Rushfield